Joke

A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?” the man asked.

“No, I don’t gamble,” the homeless man said. “I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?” the man asked.

“What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?” exclaimed the homeless man.

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded.

“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The man replied, “That’s okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex.”

That was very well worth while reading. So this guy’s wife is giving shit for spend all his money buying a new truck or car every two years, buying stereo equipment, different gadgets for his truck or car, so she says, "when you going to buy me some machine that is supposed to go 0 to 200 in twenty seconds? so the next day he went out and bought her a scale.

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

“You son of a bitch” says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

“Oh my god, I am going to kill you” says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. “No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time”. He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

[quote=“Delirious”]A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

“You son of a bitch” says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

“Oh my god, I am going to kill you” says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. “No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time”. He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."[/quote]

LMAO i just laughed so hard.

OMG…that joke is something like out of a Family Guy episode…

the time peter was a doctor for a day.

How come you started this thread when you only had 496 posts?

[quote=“Delirious”]A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

“You son of a bitch” says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

“Oh my god, I am going to kill you” says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. “No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time”. He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."[/quote]

Friggin’ fraggin’ funny.

So here’s one where you insert the name of your race when you see the *** cuz it works for almost all of us:

A **** buys a new beamer and cruises down to the club to show it off to his **** buddies. He parks in front and when he swings open the door to get out, a garbage truck whips by and rips the driver’s door completely off.
The **** is completely irate, grabs his cellphone and calls 911. The cops are there right away and the **** is jumping up and down screaming "Look at my beautiful brand new BMW! It’s completely ruined! I got the guy’s plate number, but no matter what they do this car is not going to be like it was brand new!"
The cop gets mad and says "You **** are so fucking materialistic!"
The **** get mad at the cop, "How dare you say us **** are materialistic, you racist pig!"
The cop says "You’re so worried about your car you didn’t even notice your left arm is torn off and you’re bleeding all over!"
At which point the **** looks and goes “Fuck! My Rolex! My goddam suit…”

What race did it originally have inserted?

I incerted my race into your sister…

[quote=“jleaman”]

I incerted my race into your sister…[/quote]

Listen Jasmine, if you’re going to insult somebody, AND quote their post, at least spell properly. Don’t know how to spell “inserted”? Look at the post you are quoting.


Why do I keep getting mail addressed to ‘Willy Wonka’? What the hell? Does that have anything to do with the French? God, those loathsome French.

[quote=“oscar”]

I incerted my race into your sister…

Listen Jasmine, if you’re going to insult somebody, AND quote their post, at least spell properly. Don’t know how to spell “inserted”? Look at the post you are quoting.


Why do I keep getting mail addressed to ‘Willy Wonka’? What the hell? Does that have anything to do with the French? God, those loathsome French.[/quote]

Um good grammer… DINK LIP’S

Justine,

Grammar, not grammer.

You looser.

[quote=“oscar”]Justine,

Grammar, not grammer.

You looser.[/quote]

KEEP GOING. !

Classic. I love it when people write ‘looser’ ! It’s such an insult.

HAHAHA this is too good…

Here, you’ll associate well with this Leaman:

forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthr … ge=1&pp=25

Anyone else who has a regular vehicle forum they visit may have seen this already… 79 pages of some poor sweedish street racer wannabe being crucified for his artwork:

http://www.we-todd-did-racing.com/wetoddimage.wtdr/wMTA5MjgwOTZzNDEzZGZkMzF5NTQx.jpg

Haha!

imastreetracer.ytmnd.com/

^^^ Haha, that is too good. The Internet is a horrible, horrible place.

When I heard it, it was actually about a lawyer.