Another lame joke

Seems like a slow day on the old HTMF!
Normally, I wouldn’t do two silly jokes in a row, but what the hey, maybe someone out there hasen’t herad it.

‘What food permanently removes 98% of a womans sex drive’.
‘Wedding cake’!

OH man GROANNNNNNNNNNNNN

What did the Missionary say when he caught the lepers in his hot tub?

Mmmmmm! Pudding…

I Like that one…Hindsfeet will probably like that one.

and why would i love that one huh MR case

Just because.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs  ?
matt

What to you call a chinese lady with one leg shorter than the other ?
Ilean

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs lying in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs buried under a pile of fallen leaves?

Russel.

The aforementioned Matt is laying at the beach and he meets this super hot redhead.
"Oh you poor man. No arms, no legs. I bet no one appreciates you!"
Matt, being no dummie answers “It’s true, I’m 37 and never had a girlfirend. Never had sex at all…”
“What? You’ve never been fucked?” she asks in astonishment.
“Never” he answers, making hopeful eyes at her, "not even once."
THe redhead looks him right in the eye and says, “Well you’re gonna be fucked in about half an hour. The tide’s coming in. Bye!”

Marvin was a poor, lonely soul who’d never even been so much as kissed by a woman.  He lived near the beach and went there every day.  And his heart felt crushed with jealousy every time he walked by this one guy who was surrounded by beautiful, buxom, bikini-clad women like petals on a flower.

One day, he was talking to his friend Jeff the lifeguard, talking about how he wished he had better luck with the ladies.

Jeff said to him “well, I can tell you one trick that will at least open the door for you.  Tomorrow, put a potato in your shorts before you come out here.  I guarantee you that you’ll have women flocking to you.”

Marvin was so excited by this that he ran home immediately to stuff his shorts.  But when he got back to the beach, he couldn’t figure out why everyone was laughing and pointing at him as he walked by.  He went to see Jeff in his lifeguard tower and said “what’s going on?  I put the potato in my shorts like you told me to, but everyone’s laughing at me.  What gives?”

Jeff does about a ten second facepalm before finally saying to Marvin, “Dude, the potato’s supposed to go in the FRONT of your shorts!”

There was a terrible storm and the ship Jimmy was on sank. He was the lone suvivor, and he washed up on a beautiful desert isalnd along with the ship’s dog and a pig that was part of the cargo. There was an abundance of fruit and lots of fish, so they soon settled into a fairly comfortable life. Days turned to weeks and into months. Every evening the three of them would sit on the beach and watch the sun set.
In time Jimmy started to look at the pig and get some romantic ideas!
One evening he moved closer to the pig and put his arm around it. The dog got very agitated and started to growl and show his teeth! Jimmy quicky moved away and the dog settled down. The next evening Jimmy again tried to put his arm around the pig and the same thing happeded. Dejected, Jimmy didnt try again. So night after night they sat there watching the sun set.
One evening Jimmy spotted a small boat drifting to shore. In it was a beatuful young woman who was also the lone survivor of a ship sinking. Over the next few days Jimmy nurses her back to health.
Then each evening the four of them sit and watch the sun setting.
In time Jimmy starts to get romantic ideas again! One warm evening as the sun had just set, Jimmy turned to the beautiful young woman and whisperd to her,
“Would you mind taking the dog for a walk”?

these maybe Jokes to you But this is Discrimination, there are people out there in these positions so maybe cool these type of jokes

Hindsfeet take a Valium please. Did you hear the one about this person who did not know the word “laugh and relax”, you been hanging with too many stiff shirts and they are as holy as the Bagel I had at Tims this morning…

What do you call a Spanish woman with no legs?

Consuelo

Man oh man … I am not trying to start anything.  I will remove the posts FFS!

Sorry I can’t do … HTMF mods please remove my post!
Thanks
Gracias!

Why did the man cross the street?

Coz his dick was stuck to the chicken.  :astonished:

Yeah these are jokes. We wouldn’t want to offend anyone. :confused:

XXXX XX XXX XXXX X XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XX XXXXXXXXX?
A Klaus Barbie doll and an EasyBake oven.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said…
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

A blonde get pulled over by a blonde female cop for speeding. 'You were speeding, let’s see your license and registration please"
“What’s that?”
“Your drivers licence. You know that square thing in your purse!”
“Oh, you mean this thing?” the driver asks and hands the cop her compact mirror.
The cop takes the mirror and looks at it.
“Oh, sorry! I didn’t know you were a cop. You can go now.”