Why am I not in school today?

I got this email from one of my students who is absent today. I had to post it. Don’t worry, it’s certainly no one you know.

Sorry I am unable to make it to school but, lastnight I was haveing extremely sharp pains and I had to go to the hospital. I found out that I was just constipated and had bad gas that was causing my bowls to blow up n get rele big which was causing the pains. So the nurse gave me soem medicin and the doctor said that I probly shouldn’t go to school for the next few days because the medicin will probly give me diahreah. So I probly won’t be at school untill wednesday. See you then . bye

So what could I possibly reply to her? Post your best answers.

How about, for starters . . .

“Thanks for opening up to me.”

Best. Excuse. Ever!

shudders Some things are better left unsaid.

How about:

Take two ROLLS and call me on Wednesday!

First off, I have to assume the spelling mistakes are the student’s and not your’s.

As for a response…how about “Ewwww.”

I remember this song from a Steve Martin Movie.

When you’re slidin’ into first
and your pants are 'bout to burst
Diarrhea, (Pfff. Pfff)

When you’re slidin’ into second
And you need a disinfectant
Diarrhea, (Pfff. Pfff)

When you’re slindin’ into third
And you drop a wet turd
Diarrhea, (Pfff. Pfff)

When you’re slidin’ into home
And your pants are filled with foam
Diarrhea, (Pfff. Pfff)

I think you should submit that excuse to the already existing excuse lists on the internet.

oh my…

just for the spelling alone, you should give her an automatic F.

well, considering my spelling isn’t great, but still.

I can’t believe I read some of these posts. It hurts.