Spreading ashes

  Hi everyone… I ( my sisters and I ) would appreciate some guidance with the spreading of my Dads ashes.
  Dad loved driving up in around the old logging roads on Van. Island. He did some hunting up there in his younger years. Loved…Loved the mountains…
This is where we have decided to spread his ashes. We have been asking each other what does one do, to respectfully do this right??
We would truly appreciate if you could tell us what we need to know, and how this is properly done.

take a trip with your sisters - maybe camp or do what your dad loved to do.

Theres probably stupid legal issues with where ashes are allowed to be spread, so just go and do it where he would want you to, and dont bother to involve anyone.

he liked logging roads so plant his favorite tree and put his ashes in the soil around the tree

  yes, we were told “not” to tell anyone we were going up the old logging roads to spread ashes… I know this is a no no…
Is there a proper way to handle the ashes when spreading them?

I really like your idea…I think my mom would love to do that…thanks

When my husband passed, we scattered his ashes at his favorite little lake on our best friends property. We built a park bench and engraved his name in remembrance in a small plaque on the back and his friends are able to go and “have a chat” with him any time they wish.  It was remarkable considering the funeral home misplaced his ashes for over a month and then realized he had been there, on the shelf, the whole time, they had mispelled his name.  I could almost hear him laughing his ass off over that one. It was many years ago and I have found comfort and peace knowing that that was the spot where he loved to spend his time. It all comes down to you doing what you feel is right ,what your father would have loved and what brings you that sense of peace.  No one will know that more than you and your family.

codybear, how did you actually spread the ashes… do you handle the ashes with bare hands, this is what I’m getting at.
  and thankyou for your story, you definately have a lighter side in life…good for you girl…

I suppose to be technical about the whole process My2cents, the ashes came in a bag with a small plaque inside and this was in a tin.  I did not have an urn for him as he did not want that. We, myself and a few of his closest friends, went to our site, opened the bag and very gently scattered them through my fingers.  They are very fine so if it is windy and you wish for them to remain in a specific place, then obviously scatter them close to the ground.  I know that must sound silly and I certainly don’t mean to come across as insensitive about it all. There is something about the act of scattering a loved ones ashes that is very healing and very serene. There is no set protocol for this and handling them is your own choice. I had no problems with it at all .  I do like deckers idea also about planting a tree, an eternal memorial, is a wonderful and loving gesture.  You will know at the time what is right, believe me.

I am not a religious guru or anything, and the proper way to intern ashes will probably very depending on who you talk to, but I was once told that you are not supposed to spread ashes.

I was told that the ashes need to be put into their final resting place intact, and for the life of me, I was told why, but cannot remember the reason given. A call to one of the local churches might yield further answers.

I hope my post has not left you with more questions than answers, but in the end whatever you decide to do with them will be right for you.

I’ve also heard that spreading ashes wasn’t permitted in BC but a quick search, turned up the following link to the memorial society of BC. Presumably they have the experience to stand behind their statement as follows;

While not clear, I’m assuming the owner referred to may be the owner of the property where the ashes are to be scattered. If you are using logging roads it may be worth while to make sure that the roads are accessible by the public and if any special arrangements need to be made before you try to access what may be an active logging road. If it’s private property you would want to ensure you have the owner’s permission. On crown land… I could find no guidance on gov.bc.ca

For planning a celebration of his life in a respectful manner that you and your sisters wish, a quick google search on " planning a memorial service " turned up a host of sites of which peoplesmemorial.org/planning … .cfm  was only one good example.

Best Wishes

This advise is for all of us…MORTALS: when it comes to funeral and its exorbitant associated cost, it is always wise to ‘SHOP BEFORE YOU DROP’

Write down on your will what type of funeral you wish to have so that your children (loved ones) will not be exposed to the ‘guilt trip’ that funeral homes often put people through…i.e, if you really loved him/her than you would want this gold trimmed casket or this mountainous rock with his life story on it and his funeral announcement printed in every newspaper in the land.

When my  in law’s passed away and we were to spread their ashes, it was a quiet but happy event. Both urns were spread at their favorite lake. We said a respectful prayer that I had looked up on the internet that was tasteful to all who joined us.Then we said a few happy memories and talked about past events. We left shortly after that. Every once in awhile the family members go to that lake to have some quiet time.

Placing ashes near a tree (on a logging road) would be something that I would not do. (I am a die hard back roads driver in a logging family in the Interior.) If the tree were to be taken down in a few years it may cause some uneasiness towards your decision of placing ashes at that site. Think carefully at what you want to do, because after you have spread the ashes, you can’t change your mind.

I believe that one should spread the ashes where they feel comfortable when they like to sit around with good company. Somewhere that is easy to get to and you know they {ashes} will not be disturbed so the soul of the departed can be at peace as it captures the beauty of the new world it has earned the right to share.

Just don’t do it like they did on “The Big Lebowski”.

My grandpa, was scattered into the skeena river, from his favorite rest stop on the way to terrace. He loved to travel. I think of him every time we drive past that spot.

It’s what YOU want to do with them, for sure. It’s not just about what the deceased wanted, it’s about closure for you. I’m sure, if they were alive, they’d be happy with whatever decision you made. Simply because it gave YOU peace.  :wink:

I wish you well in your endeavor.

I don’t want to be buried and waste good space, I don’t want to be cremated and waste fuel.
Grind me up in a wood-chipper and spread me over a field.
Or pack me in a deep cavern with thousands of others and pile megatons of rocks on top so my great-grandkids will have fuel for their car.

I like hearing from people who respect the elements of this world we are destroying so quickly.

how did you actually spread the ashes… do you handle the ashes with bare hands, this is what I’m getting at.[/quote]

Respectfully - One helpful tip may be to pay attention to which way the wind is blowing. My youthful friend blew back in our faces when we tried to scatter his ashes off a seaside cliff. It was a bit awkward, but he was always kind in-yer-face.

Always liked this Lee Hays poem that he wrote not long before he died.

If I should die before I wake
All my bone and sinew take
Put them in the compost pile
To decompose a little while
Sun, rain and worms will have their way
Reducing me to common clay
All that I am will feed the trees
And little fishes in the seas
When corn and radishes you munch
You may be having me for lunch
Then excrete me with a grin
Chortling, There goes Lee again
Twill be my happiest destiny
To die and live eternally.

  ha ha ha… that was good…