Soccer thread for those who don't know about soccer

Culture Forums Sports and Recreation
1

I thought that those of us who apparently don’t know enough about soccer should have our own thread to make dumb comments.  I hope experts will abstain from replying to this thread since they obviously know way more than everyone else and never make dumb comments. 

Here is my first dumb comment to improve the game:

Instead of the annoying vuvuzelas (trumpets), they should have a contest and give laser tag rifles to 22 randomly picked spectators.  Each one would be assigned player on the field that they would have to, whenever they wanted, keep in their line of sight.  Whenever that player fakes a fall, the spectator would win a prize if they had the laser on the player.  I know, technology is not FIFA’s thing but it would be fun.

I bet you that people would fight to be assigned to Cristiano Ronaldo.

2

There should be a penalty box.  Five to ten minutes depending on the infraction.

They should play four on four in overtime.

Six points for a goal.  An extra point after a goal by hitting the cross bar from the penalty spot.  Three points for putting it through the uprights from the defensive side of centre.  A single point for controlling the ball for more than three minutes.  (Enough scoring for you Big Thumb.)

3

That should do it.  But then with that many points, FIFA might need a calculator and that means using technology.  Do you think they would go for it?

4

they should have sticks with little kid size balls

5

Sticks are good.  Change the shape of the ball from a sphere to a cylinder - a diameter of 3 inches and a thickness of one inch.  Change the size of the field from 100m by 64m to 200ft by 85ft.  Only have six a side instead of 11.  Make the nets considerably smaller.  And make them play on ice. 

6

Now we’re talking.  It’s becoming more and more interesting.

7

Anybody read “Get Fuzzy” in the colour comics in the Sunday Province? Maybe that’s what spurred this thread…
Bucky has some rules to improve soccer

  1. No goalies. You simply put one of the forward’s grandmothers in a dunking booth that drops her into ice cold water whenever his team takes a shot at the open goal and misses.
  2. No cleats. Everybody wears those lead-soled Frankenstein-type boots. That should make #1 more interesting.
  3. All substitutes are knife-wielding monleys. Excpet the back-up goalie: he has a slingshot.
  4. All the refs are MMA fighters and every time a player falls down and fakes an injury, the ref steps in and administers that player the very injury they were faking…

…which of course would result in teams like, say,  Portugal fielding and all-monkey side after every one of their starters had faked an injury.