Help picking phone...I'm computer/phone stupid

Right now I own a camera, an iTouch, and a regular cell phone that I can access the net (painfully slow) with but other than that I use it to phone someone once or twice a day.
In short I want a Palm Pilot/Camera/Mp3 player/iTouch game player/phone/video player, etc all in one

I would love to combine these BUT I need to have one that will allow me to run a PocketPC program on it (remember I’m computer stupid and can’t get it on my iTouch…it’s a program that says “will install the next time a mobile device is connected”).  I want one I can also drag and easily see word files on it (like I can with my iTouch).  I want it to have a decent camera/video on it, one with expandable memory in it, one that I can use as a GPS (is there one you can get with a GPS feature that won’t die when there’s no cell service).  One that has good sounding music that I can attach my own earphones to and one that I can install movies/shows to let my kids watch when they’re bored in the car/store.

Is there such a thing or is there something close to this…the PocketPC program is most important of all!!  I would prefer to stick with Shitty West b/c I want my same phone # and we have all of our other things through them, therefore cheaper at the moment.  If not, I may consider changing to Rogers

OR anyone know how to get this program onto my iTouch without wrecking everything I already have on it?

Thanks for the help

Woah… I would try Rogers.