Iâ€™m butchering three deer today and I have to admit that my emotions aren’t hardened enough to do it stone cold and feeling less. I’m not saying that it is a cold or terrible thing to do it’s just that when I’m slicing away, my fantasies get very intense and traumatic. I don’t go into fits of weeping or sorrow but connect with the feeling of death and regeneration. I feed off of that flesh so what’s the big deal right, well that still doesn’t stop the visual likeness of a human body or my dog. Cutting through tendons and veins, the stink blood and this sick dead look from the deer eye kind of makes it raw and real. So many hunters do this all the time so I feel like I make way to big of a deal but can’t help feeling what I’m feeling. My mind just links everything together about life and death, Me and something called a soul. People can say what ever they want, but to me there are no words or descriptions of this thing my flesh is covering. As for the deer, I carved up every part and found no cockpit. I mean where are the reigns to this big carcass of ours anyways? Is it like strings from my puppet master soul? Different cultures have different descriptions of a soul, is it localized somewhere out there, inside our fleshy bodies, or is it just another pattern of the grand design??? I know this is getting far into the why of things but this is how my mind was, running a zillion miles per second. Plant eats sun then deer eats plant then I eat deer, my body breaks down when I die and turns to fertilizer, which is a whole other story of the micro world we donâ€™t see. My flesh takes part in the cycle of life, and my soul along with all of the other souls in this process does what??? Does the soul travel with the flesh as it gets distributed throughout the life cycle??? Will I depart my body after I die and float or fly??? Will I still need my same name or is there a universal handle I must go by? Do I need to live again and did I live before??? Or is this the only chance I get, and then itâ€™s all over for me??? Is there light at the end of the tunnel of darkness???
Well when I take a bite of that deer, thatâ€™s the light for me. Survival, the cycle, my fleshy tabernacleâ€™s health and unhindered energy flow. Yummy!!!
What a prayer.