Cereal Prep

There’s all kinds of Nutrition Guidlines and Information for cereals these days, but where’s the Instructions?!!?!

You pour a bowl of cereal, cover it in Soy Milk or Water (only infants drink “milk” Milk), and then commence devouring it, but oftentimes there isn’t enough time elapsed between each step. It’s as if your stomach wants the cereal moved from the bowl to your body before it has even been poured, completely ignoring the needs of your mouth… leaving the roof of your mouf blistered and raw.

Today I poured myself a bowl of Granola. After dousing it with SoNice, I removed my pants and socks, then applied some shorts (cereal is not meant to be eaten in jeans). This was obviously not enough time for the Granola to soften, as my mouth writhes in pain with every word I type.

How long are you supposed to let your cereal soak before eating it? And what activities can we perform to help pass this time, because time doesn’t go any slower than when you’re waiting to eat your cereal; morning, day or night.

Maybe instead of a Best Before date there should be a Soggy After time, because we all know that cereal doesn’t go bad.

I defy any of you to recal a time when dry, unopened cereal went bad.

And I defy you to use a semicolon properly!

I buy Safeway brand “Honey and Nut Toasted Oat Cereal”. It’s already gone bad before you even buy it!

And granola is for long-haired hippies… oh, wait.

My uncle got cancer; now he has a semi-colon.

When I was young, I had a friend named Royd. While the rest of experienced the normal growth spurt from 13 to 20, he did not. Today he is only a…

High Five! 8)

Cereal…I eat MUSHHHH! And Cowboy X Brand Cereal and Rice, Milk and raisins.


I recently was in a logging camp for two months and this is one of the many terrible experiences that I went through.

Well, it all started with a bacon, sausage, pancake, and egg breakfast. Quickly moving on after becoming disgusted by all the grease, I graduated to oatmeal and watermelon for my morning meal, but even then, I longed for something more. So it happened that I began to consume large quantities of all-bran and raisin bran. I’ll just skip the next part and say that I don’t recommend eating those particular cereals.

In my school dayz, on a trip to Saskatewan, they fed us noodles and water. (Noodle soup for breakfast) That tasted kinda strange. Them prairy indians are strange.

I’d rather eat (Just add water) oatmeal.