The Cowboy and the City Slicker


#1

An Alberta cowboy was over-seeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a cloud of dust towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy “If I tell you how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully-grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and  surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young  man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image-processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he retrieves an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then  accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODCB-connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few
minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his high-tech, miniaturized HP  LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right! Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on in amusement as the young man stuffs It into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” 

The young man thinks about it for a second, and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You work for the federal government,” says the cowboy.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the young man, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. "You showed up here, even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for giving me an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows.

This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."


#2

We bow to your infinite wisdome :smiley:


#3

Oh, he’s a federal bureaucrat.  On second thought, he would be using MS stuff, and paying top dollar for it.  Sure there’s a free open source alternative, but why use that when you can pay Microsoft thousands of dollars?


#4

Now you’re getting it.


#5

LOL, ooops there goes your federal funding…


#6

$137,000 to study what can be done to encourage laid-off mill workers to go into farming.
$75,000 of it earmarked to consult with the Band Office.
$1.05 for the photo of Dick Harris and the Mayor smiling in the paper as he hands over the check.

Missing: photo of mill worker slapping Harris into the ground screaming "That’s one measly hour of stumpage you pompous prick!"
PRICELESS

The stupid federal bureaucrat is okay. It’s the malicious ones to watch for. They’re either/or.


#7