Showering the Man's Way, and the Woman's Way

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make
mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with
43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her
making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your a–

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse
them off.

F-rt and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding
area, probably with your wife’s loofah.

Wash your bu-t, leaving those coarse bu-t hairs stuck on
the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.

Dry off forearms and bu-t only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch
water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

My wife brought home this “joke” a few weeks ago - I thought Damn I’ve been doing everything wrong all these years - but now I know exactly what to do at shower time - and my wife isn’t too happy about the change!

You had always forgotten the woo-woo hadn’t you?

Well actually I had the woo-woo weiner parts down to a science - it was more the bu-t parts that I needed to practise. That’s put a whole new spin on our relationship …