Oval Office Space


RICHARD CLARKE is working at an anonymous cubicle deep within the bowels of the West Wing, poring over papers, when his boss, GEORGE W. BUSH, stops by, cup of coffee in hand.

BUSH: Heeeey Clarke. Whaaaat’s happening.

CLARKE: Uh, hi, Mr. President.

BUSH: We need to talk about your WMD reports. Yeeeeah…we’re really trying to punch up our Iraq intelligence. Did you get a copy of that memo?

CLARKE: Uh, yeah, I got it, right here. I’m sorry. I was going over all the intelligence and I just couldn’t find anything indicating that Iraq had any weapons of mass destruction…but I promise I’ll do better next time.

BUSH: Yeeeeah. It’s just that we’re really trying to make it clear that the U.S. was in imminent danger from Saddam Hussein and everything, and he might have had a connection to al-Qaeda…so if you could just start putting that in your WMD reports, that’d be great.

CLARKE: But I don’t think that —

BUSH: And I’ll make sure you get another copy of that memo, m’kay? Thanks a bunch.

BUSH walks off as CLARKE, shaking his head, returns to his paperwork. Within seconds, DICK CHENEY arrives.

CHENEY: Richard, we need to talk about your WMD reports.

CLARKE: Yeah. I know. I know. The President just came around and told me, and I promised him I’d…

CHENEY: It’s just that we’re trying to make it clear to everyone there was a “smoking gun” forcing us to invade Iraq and everything instead of focus on al-Qaeda, so if you could “punch it up” a little with those reports, that’d be super. OK?

CHENEY gives CLARKE an overly chummy punch on the shoulder, from which CLARKE recoils.

CHENEY: …And I’ll make sure you get another copy of that memo.

CHENEY walks off. CLARKE sighs heavily, gets up from his desk, and trudges into the situation room where GEORGE TENET and PAUL O’NEILL are looking at computer readings.

TENET: (angrily) Why does it say “Nigerian yellowcake” when there is no Nigerian yellowcake? One of these days I’m going to kick this piece of shit out the window, I mean it…

O’NEILL: You and me both, man. That thing’s lucky I’m not armed. (notices CLARKE entering the room) ’Sup, G?

CLARKE: You guys want to go get some coffee at Starbucks or something? I gotta get out of here.

O’NEILL: Yeah, let’s go.

CLARKE, TENET and O’NEILL grab their stuff and prepare to leave.

O’NEILL: By the way, what the hell’s up with your WMD reports?

First post!

On a completely unrelated note, is that ever sweet.