Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Toronto, Ontario who has a steady flow of customers from the nearby junior high school. My parents live in a suburb of Brantford, and one of my sisters, who lives in Calgary, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Barrie.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Orillia for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.  The other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in New Brunswick and is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel.
All things considered, my main problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin, who is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan???
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
